PITCHING TO AN AGENT PART 3
THE PITCH LETTER (QUERY LETTER)
(What Not To Do!)
In this part we’ll get down to some technical thingies. We’re going to go over what not to do.
EXAMPLES OF NEGATIVITY
I mentioned never to use negativity or put yourself down. Here are a few examples. Some are overt, while a few may be a bit more subtle.
I know you get lots of submissions, but before you throw mine in the slush pile, I’d appreciate if you’d give me a chance.
Ding ding ding! Red flag! You’re starting negative right out of the gate! Don’t even bring the subject up! In the first place, you should be starting with your slug line. Second, you’re giving the agent the perfect excuse to do just what you are hoping they won’t do.
I’ve been submitting to lots of agents but was hoping you’d be the right one for my work.
Do I have to explain this one?
I’m a struggling writer and found your agency online. I would like to present my character…
A little more subtle but saying you’re a struggling writer is not only a cliché, it’s a given and also a negative. No need to voice it. Scratch the first sentence.
Thank you for considering my work. I may not be the best writer in the world, but I know I’ve come up with a winner here.
You had him or her at the first sentence and blew it with the rest. Hack off that second sentence.
Now for a little biography sample.
BIO INFO
I’m an accomplished writer with high grades in English grammar in high school and college. I excelled at all of my term papers and almost had an article published in the alumni newsletter but due to budget constraints, the issue was never printed. I had a short story called The Flag printed in Mystery Journal for Fiberglas Press, 1989.
She’s a mystery writer. The only relevant credit is the last one. The rest of it is pure fluff and irrelevant. Trash it. Inflating a bio with irrelevant material is no way to win friends with an agent. If you only have one credit, so be it. In the good old days, it was okay to throw in the kitchen sink. Nowadays, agents don’t have time to slog through all this crap looking for gems. You’re better off to keep it tight and right. Besides, “almosts” don’t count.
FINALLY
I’m sure you get lots of really “great” stories at your agency, but now get ready for a real treat. XXX will blow you away.
Oh, please! Sarcasm, conceit, grammar problems, the list goes on.
That’s it for now. Next time, an example of a query letter that worked. From there I’ll discuss other forms of query letters and why they may or may not work.
Happy writing!
PITCHING TO AN AGENT PART 2
THE PITCH LETTER (QUERY LETTER)
I need to tell you up front that this discussion pertains to pitching fiction and not non-fiction. When it comes to queries, they’re two different animals. I’ve never pitched non-fiction and don’t have a clue how to do it, so if that’s what you’re after, sorry! They’re called proposals, by the way.
WHAT NOW?
Now that you’ve heard the inevitable (you’re going to have to do one), how’re you going to go about it? The easy answer is to tell you to go to the bookstore or the wyberry (library, sorry, I like to play with words) and stock up with literally (if that isn’t a metaphor) hundreds of books on writing query letters. Or, I could condense it all down for you and let you know what’s worked for me and what hasn’t. Keep in mind that you can come up with a generic letter, but you’ll have to modify it for each agent. Not only it is good to personalize each one, but many agents have their own ideas of what a query letter should contain. A generic query letter smacks of impersonalization. That, my friends, is a big red flag with a trash can bulls-eye right in the middle of it!
THREE THINGS
The most successful query/pitch letters contain three things: The slug line (or pitch), what the story’s about, and a bit about yourself (what makes you qualified to write the story). Of course, you don’t write only those things. Remember, this is a letter to a person, not a machine. The key is that the letter should be brief, to the point and only contain relevant information. On top of that, it must be grammatically correct, contain no typos and something you might not always hear from others, it cannot contain any negatives or sarcasm.
Whatever you do, do not put yourself or others down! Do not use sarcasm! I must step back and say that if the sarcasm is part of the plot or storyline, that’s something else. If it’s about you or other authors, don’t use it!
Another thing to never to do. Okay, it’s something that’s extremely risky and 99% of the time doesn’t work. Write the query letter in character. Yes, I’m talking about your main character being a hard-bitten detective with a few screws loose upstairs. He or she writes the letter. It’s written on an old typewriter with a cigarette burn in one corner and coffee stains in another. The letter’s folded wrong and you sign it with your character’s sloppy signature, typing your real name and address on the envelope. Cutesy-poo to-the-max, but most agents and publishers have been there-done that, and can’t hit the trash can with it fast enough. Some may even respond with a nasty letter. A romance writer may send theirs on frilly stationary soaked in perfume.
Play it straight. No gags, no gimmicks to get yourself noticed. I’ve had more agents tell me they get extremely annoyed by these tactics and put these authors on their ***t lists. Keep that in mind.
It’s extremely important the letter have no typos or grammatical errors. When an agent gets hold of it, if they see you can’t even write out a single page without an error, what will a novel or short story look like?
Next time, we break things down even further.
Happy writing!
PITCHING TO AN AGENT 2024
PART 1
THE PITCH LETTER (QUERY LETTER)
I originally published this article in 2012 and again in 2020. I’d been attending the Las Vegas Writer’s Conference for seven years at that time (2012). This was the second year of my web site. In fact, it was because of the writers conference that I started the web site. Not much has changed, but since the 2024 conference is around the corner, it’s time to dust off the old articles, and bring them out again. This is the second one in the original 2020 series.
THE PITCH LETTER
Probably one of the hardest things an author has to write is the pitch letter. Yeah, I’ve probably said the hardest thing to write is the synopsis, or maybe the book blurb, but when you get right down to it, none of that matters if you can’t sell the book to an agent or publisher in the first place.
I’m reminded of the teen who doesn’t want to finish high school and comes up with the excuse, “Well Axl Rose of Guns N Roses never graduated, and look at him. He’s a big rock star millionaire.” Well, there’s ambition and dumb luck. He could just as easily have failed and never would’ve had anything to back himself up with. Mr. William Bruce Rose Jr. (his real name) might be the guy cleaning your pool while you’re making the big bucks because you went on to get a degree (nothing against pool cleaners). Why I bring this up is that some authors think their story is so hot they won’t need to sell it. Agents will be knocking their door down to buy it from them. A pitch letter, or trying to pitch their story isn’t on their radar. They can skip the hard work because their story is so hot, luck (agents and publishers) will seek them out.
Unfortunately, that doesn’t happen often in the real world. The funny thing is that I actually did see it happen once at the very first writer’s conference I attended in 2005. There was this teenage kid pitching a story he hadn’t even completed. He didn’t have a query letter or even any writing samples, as I recall. Yet when he pitched his idea to one of the YA (young adult genre) agents, she signed him on the spot! To this day, I don’t have any idea if anything ever came of that kid or his books (if he completed one), but it was one of those magic Axl Rose type moments, where lightning strikes. I was there to witness it.
Do you think it’ll happen to you? Fat chance! You, my friend, are going to have to work for it like the rest of us, if the numbers bear out. So, suck it up and start listening (or reading, if you want to get technical).
The pitch letter, or as it’s more widely known, the query letter, is your way of getting the attention of an agent or publisher. It’s a way of tapping them on the shoulder and saying “Hey, I’ve got something to show you.”
Agents and publishers get literally hundreds if not thousands of these letters per day/week/month. They’re always looking for the next best thing, something with which they can sell and make a ton of money. At the same time, they have to slog through all this crap. To get their attention, you need to be brief, to the point, no bull. Or as Jack Webb used to say in Dragnet, “Just the facts, Ma’am.”
BE CONCISE
In past posts, I’ve alluded to staying on track, keeping your story to the point and being concise. It’s critical you do that in a query letter. You’ve got just a few quick lines to blow their socks off, to pique their interest, to leave them wanting for more. By the time that agent or publisher reaches the end of that letter, they should know the story is a good fit for their agency, they should see that you have the chops to pull it off, and they should be intrigued by the premise, or pitch line. If you can pull off all three of those things, I can almost guarantee they’ll be asking for more.
Next time, I’ll discuss the structure of the pitch/query letter and some of the various forms.
Happy writing!
WRITERS CONFERENCE FINAL THOUGHTS 2024
I recently did a series on query letters and attending a conference. In this summary, I want to go over some final thoughts about the Las Vegas Writers Conference and conferences in general. Some of you may have noticed I was absent last week here in Fred’s Central. I’m currently doing a final edit of Palmdale Gold, which I hope to get published this year.
NO LONGER LIVE
There’s nothing like the thrill of being at a conference in person. The setup was where I was always a volunteer, working the front desk, attending classes, eating the food. Most of all, interacting with other writers and the staff has been something I’ll never forget.
Nowadays, especially since COVID, these conferences are no longer live for the most part. There are, of course, exceptions.
Videoconferences are the thing now. Our regular writer’s group meetings have been on Zoom for a long time now, and I have to admit, on-line is very convenient.
So, what’s the big difference?
LIVE IN PERSON
A live conference is meeting everyone face-to-face and there’s nothing quite like it. For sure, it’s more expensive, but getting to rub elbows with everyone is worth it, despite some waiting around, indecision of maybe what classes to take, dealing with the occasional idiot. I have to say in over a decade of attending conferences, they were overwhelmingly positive experiences despite an occasional glitch. That being said, especially for those of you coming from out of town, it takes time and money and a lot of extraneous hassles to attend.
VIDEOCONFERENCE
The difference in videoconference is that not only is it cheaper, but you can do it right from your home in your bunny slippers and without even having to dress fancy. That means you don’t have to travel from A to B to get there. Most of the same things are available. The big difference is that you’re not physically there. There’s no chance to just bump into someone, sit at a dinner table and talk shop, or a host of other interactions not possible on line. Then again, it’s a lot cheaper to bring experts to the field, plus you can schedule one-on-one time with them if need be.
PREFERENCES?
While it’s a lot more money, I prefer the in-person event. The convenience of having the conference in my town is also a plus. The food is usually great, and the chances of a random encounter with an expert to pick their brain is much better.
On the other hand, I can see why videoconferences are the thing right now. No chance of getting sick from whatever’s floating around out there. You can sit in front of the camera in your jammies and go through the same basic steps as a live event. You can chose your own food. No driving or flying. With a few exceptions, you can still get that one-on-one time with an expert. What isn’t available are spontaneous unscheduled events. To some this can be good or bad, especially if you feel awkward. It can be better to prepare for a scheduled meeting, rather than being caught off guard.
SUMMARY
One day, maybe the conferences will go live again. In the meantime, I can’t encourage you enough to attend one of these events, whether video or live. They both have their pluses and minuses but it all boils down to getting out there and learning, presenting your work, taking a leap to get published or learn how to do it better.
Yup, attending a writer’s conference is something every writer needs to do, regardless of format.
Happy writing!
CONFERENCE TIME AGAIN 2024
The 2023 virtual Las Vegas Writers Conference was a resounding success. We’ve developed a reputation as one of the best writers conferences in the nation, as mentioned in several top notch writers publications. It’s well deserved. As an attendee to every live event from 2005 up to 2019, I can attest to that. I’ve seen this conference grow, change, and go through many different versions over the years. We have a reputation and a high standard.
In this article, I won’t go into too many details except to outline some of the reasons why this conference has gained its reputation. Over the next few weeks, I may be revisiting some of the articles from the past that are relevant to the conference. They’re more detailed and the info in them hasn’t changed all that much. Some things you may hear repeated and that’s because these things are an integral part of our success.
WHY THIS CONFERENCE?
SIZE
One reason the Las Vegas Writer’s Conference is such a success is because of the size.
It’s an intimate online Zoom setting. We’re limited in size to a smaller group which means everyone gets to interact with everyone.
PRICE
There’s only one price. Once you pay the conference fee, that’s it. If you want to chat with any agent, publisher, or author, it’s included in the price of admission.
INTIMATE SETTING
Every attendant and faculty member is accessible through the chat window.
Not only do you have ample opportunities to set up private appointments (sessions) with agents and publishers, you interact with them during classes. Since it’s online, there’s no one with a “possee” that accompanies them to a signing booth, does their scribbles on a book or two, does a couple of pitches and then leaves. Since there’s no physical location and no travel, it’s much more convenient for them and they’re there for the duration.
CLASSES
There are a variety of classes, the meat of the conference, that cover every aspect of the publishing and writing world. From writing to editing to marketing, there are almost always classes to cover everything you can think of and learn from. These classes are often taught by the very people you come to pitch your work to.
SUCCESSES
Every year, writers get successful pitches and queries to agents and publishers. While the ultimate return may be low, once in a while someone strikes gold. The chances of obtaining an agent are much higher with a virtual face-to-face meeting than a random letter in the mailbox. Each year, someone obtains a big-time agent or publisher from our conference.
SUMMARY
The Las Vegas Writers Conference is one of the best in the nation for many reasons. As a writer, you should attend at least one if you’re serious about getting published, whether traditionally or self-published. Yeah, even self-published authors can get a lot of value out of this conference. There’s plenty to learn for everyone, as nobody is excluded from the mix.
Happy writing!
The conference link is: 2023 Las Vegas Writers Conference
THE MINDLESS BOTS AT AMAZON
Amazon is the 400lb gorilla in the room. So much of what we do as writers depends on Amazon. The company is huge but from many…many anecdotal experiences from friends, they are an uncommunicative monolith.
Case in point. I recently got a warning that one of my reviews didn’t meet up to Amazon standards, which if you research, is a lengthy tome of rules and regulations that almost nobody reads. So, I had no idea what I did wrong because they didn’t provide an example of my offending review.
Was it a curse word? A political stance? A racist comment?
Well, I don’t do any of those except maybe infer a colorful metaphor without saying it. Political? I’ll criticize an author who goes blatantly political but don’t specify which side I’m on. I don’t like any of it!
Racist? Never going to happen.
CONTACTING AMAZON
To inquire what I did wrong, I get a bot that tells me to read the rules.
Oh…kay.
Been there, done that but still don’t have any idea what I did wrong.
E-mail Amazon and get back the same old same old. “Refer to the rules.”
I have over a thousand reviews. Which one was it?
I’m not the only one with issues. One friend had her books banned because she supposedly had two separate accounts. One was an obsolete identity she used decades ago. She went through hoops trying to get it resolved and I guess after several years, she finally either talked to a human or it resolved itself.
Small publishers have to deal with this bullshit every day when dealing with Amazon. Apparently there’s no live help…at all.
With the thousands of employees they have, you’d think they’d at least have customer service of some kind?
NOT ALONE
Apparently Amazon is not alone with this issue. Microsoft is notoriously bad for customer service. Everything is “refer to the guidance” or get on chat rooms that may or may not help. Same for Facebook, Twitter and who knows who else?
Are these titans too big for their britches?
SUMMARY
So far, my complaint is relatively minor compared to many others.
I still have no idea what I did wrong.
Instead, I just keep on writing and hope for the best.
Happy writing!
READABILITTY
I’ve been preaching this for years at Fred Central and just last year this same article was under a different title. I cannot stress enough how important it is for your story to be easy to read. This time I went through the same old same old and found a book that was awful.
The easy read is all about making your book the best product imaginable, producing the best format for your readers, creating the easiest way to get your story out to the public. In other words, creating the easiest read for your readers.
That brings up the question as to how? Or, more importantly why?
Do you care?
EXAMPLES
I always like to try new authors so every once in a while, I obtain something new. This first example is a horror novel. It looked promising after a quick scan at the bookstore. However, once I got into it, it was a real slog. Page after page after page of characterization made me almost put it down. Then I got to page 44 and realized not a thing had happened yet. What? That did it for me and I put it down and gave it a one star review. If I have to work that hard for nothing, that’s saying something.
Contrast that with the next book, which happened to be one of my favorite authors. I was halfway through the book before I even realized it. It was like I sat down and got lost in the story, only to come up for air once in a while. It was a pure pleasure.
That, my friends, is the difference between good and not so good writing!
WHY DO IT?
As I’ve pointed out before, some authors don’t care to make things easy. They want you, the reader, to come up to their level, not the other way around. They want to “edumacate” you, teach you something, bring you up to a higher level with their prose, style, and format.
They want to break the mold.
Nothing wrong with that if they can find an audience, which many do.
On the other hand, there are those authors who just want to get their stories across, whatever that might be. They aren’t out to force readers to bend to their will. They aren’t out to try and mold people into their image of a particular kind of reader.
They want to communicate with as many people as possible, plain and simple.
Nothing wrong with that either.
There are those authors that like to throw a mix in there, by keeping it simple, yet adding in a little more complexity without going overboard in either grammar, style, or format.
Nothing wrong with that either. There’ll always be an audience.
WHICH APPROACH ARE YOU?
Since most of you reading this are not likely best-selling authors yet…I have to be realistic here…you’re struggling to make your mark in a huge market filled with countless writers and authors. You want to reach as many readers as possible. Therefore, I personally recommend the “simpler is better” approach.
There’s the philosophy that since you’re not exactly setting the world on fire yet, why not go for broke, put your nose up in the air, and take the highbrow route? It wouldn’t matter if you alienate most of your readers with complex prose, maybe in some off-the-wall format, because you’re not selling many books anyway, right? Maybe, someday, your style will catch on. I say, if that’s what you want to do, go for it.
On the other hand, if you’re in that same boat, but want to sell more books, and are willing to make a more readable story, try the easier-to-read approach and see where you go.
HOW I APPROACH IT
This is mainly for those of you that are new, but it can apply to anyone.
My philosophy, from day one, has been the same.
Long before I was ever a writer, I was a reader. Sixty plus years now, not to age myself!
In all that time, I’ve read a LOT of books…thousands. I’ve suffered through every style and format imaginable. I have several graduate degrees behind me, so I’m above average “edumukated.” In other words, I’ve been around the block, not that education per se, really matters. I’ve also had twenty-nine years plus as a writer. Additionally, since the late nineties, I began reviewing books on Amazon, though a lot of them have since disappeared due to age or obsolescence.
This resume is not meant to brag or tout anything special about me except to state that I’ve been exposed to a lot of writing and reading, including plenty of college textbooks and intellectual tomes.
My reading interest, despite all that college, still remains with fiction, which many consider “lowbrow.” It will be for the foreseeable future.
Since I’ve been exposed to so many different writing styles, I know what works for me and what doesn’t. I’m not everyone, but at the same time, I’ve been around long enough to have punished myself with stuff I haven’t really been comfortable with until I finally realized why I wasn’t comfortable with it. That revelation came about when I started writing in the mid-nineties. It became even more pronounced as I became a better and more proficient writer.
Despite that rather lengthy resume, I still must say that I’m not everyone. What I have at least proven to myself is that despite anomalies, a lot of the stuff I like best ends up being on the best seller lists. Sure, many of what I call anomalies end up as best sellers as well, but some tend to polarize a lot more readers than the easer-to-read styles.
Why?
THE WAY I SEE IT
It boils down to the easy read.
Some authors get slammed for “dumbing down” their work to the “base level” and pandering to the lowest common denominator.
Oh yeah?
So, that means that when an author writes an easy read that everyone can enjoy, it’s supposed to suck? It sucks because it’s not “challenging” or “intellectually stimulating” enough to satisfy the highbrows?
Without naming names, I’ll give you examples of what I’m talking about.
The easier books don’t throw the dictionary at the reader.
The easier books aren’t filled with endless characterization.
The easier books don’t jerk at the heartstrings with some complex deep meanings or political or philosophical candyrock psychedelic profundities.
The easier books aren’t written in some odd format like no punctuation or 150K words with only three chapters.
The easier books aren’t written in multiple tenses or points of view switching from first to third to first every chapter.
The easier books don’t have blatant taboo subject matter for shock value.
SUMMARY
The shame of it all is that there are thousands upon thousands of great stories out there. It’s all in the manner of telling (or showing) them that’s the issue.
Then there are plenty of lousy stories as well. Many of them, unfortunately, get published. I’ve read a few. My reviews reflect the good and the bad.
Do you prefer to tell your great story in a way that is accessible to everyone, or to few?
That’s the choice you have to make.
Happy writing!
WORDS WORDS WORDS REVISITED
Whether we’re readers or writers, we have to love words to some degree. After all, they’re the medium with which we convey information, the tools of our trade, the way in which we absorb information. Today, I want to pose some questions about words.
HOW MUCH IS TOO MUCH?
Many of my critiques on Amazon talk about the pace of the story. I often use phrases like a fast read, or the story crawled. Why is that?
Some people, in particular the literary-minded, love the shape, feel and meaning of words, the more the better, as long as they make sense and stimulate the mind – paint elaborate pictures for them.
On the other hand, the genre-minded reader wants to get to the point and doesn’t want to wallow in every minute detail of every minute detail.
Since I cannot cite a literary example of too many words (because I rarely read that genre), I’ll have to rely on a genre I have read such as fantasy. The biggest example of way too many words for me is the Wheel of Time series by Robert Jordan. I distinctly remember slogging through a hundred pages in which almost nothing happened… a hundred pages!
The Wheel of Time series is a huge seller and the fan base is well-established. Look at many fantasy novels today and you’ll see how thick they are, many easily topping 200K words. In some of them, a lot happens while in others, not so much.
I once read a literary horror novel by a guy named David Searcy called Last Things and though it was supposed to be horror (icky bug), it wasn’t and not a thing happened for the entire novel – not a thing. Yet, it was a fascinating read in the context of describing West Texas. That was it.
Words – lots of words.
This is not meant to bash these writers. I simply don’t get their style.
HOW MUCH IS NOT ENOUGH?
To tell the truth, I can’t think of a single book I’ve personally read that didn’t have enough words. Why? A quick read for me is a pure pleasure. A quick read gets to the point and gets the job done, plain and simple. Do I want to feel the mountains and breathe the air? Do I want to know every single innermost thought of the character?
I want to know who the character is, what they’re doing, why, and the same for the main bad guy. I don’t need minute details. I need a clean to somewhat complex but fun plot and trappings as long as sidetracking is kept to a minimum. I need enough detail to paint a picture of the characters and what they’re doing and why. However, if it stalls on minutiae fugeddaboudit.
They should say what they need to for description in a sentence or paragraph, not a chapter!
THOSE CERTAIN BOOKS
There are certain books that aren’t particularly long, but are just a pain to read. I really have to work at it. Why? The prose is plodding and full of descriptive narrative without necessarily being literary. There’s a science fiction author with an alternative history series. I read a few of his stories and though the premise was quite interesting, they were a lot of work. The pages didn’t have a lot of blank spaces on them and held lots of long paragraphs. I stuck with the series for a while, but finally lost interest because I just got sick of having to plod through all that endless narrative. It wasn’t an easy read. The same for this archaeological series I tried to stick with. Each series has several books I never got to and probably never will tackle unless I’m desperate.
If you’re a word lover but want a genre plot, these two series might just be your thing.
WHICH TYPE ARE YOU?
Do you like to get lost in lots of words, or do you like to get to the point?
Happy writing!
ACCURACY
Heard this one the other day on Facebook. “How accurate do you have to be when writing fiction?”
Good question and I took it as meaning how accurate do the details within your story have to be. The answer is simple. The real-world details should be as accurate as you can make them to keep your credibility as a storyteller.
What does this actually mean?
THE STORY ITSELF
Of course, the story itself isn’t accurate because you’re making it up!
Where it needs to be at least plausible is in the plot and details. Is it something that could even be possible? In many cases, if you can think it, it is possible. However, sometimes your idea is so far fetched that nobody can make sense of it. Your idea may be so bizarre that nobody can relate to it…at all.
This is where story accuracy applies, even if not real. It has to be plausible.
THOSE ANNOYING DETAILS
The details of the story are the real crux of this matter. While your story may be believable, the use of real-world details can ruin it if not done properly.
Even a fantastical plot or details in a fantasy novel need some basis in reality for people to relate.
However, let’s take a real-world example which I’ve used before.
Silencers on a revolver: Not going to work.
Silencers are silent: They’re not as quiet as movies make them out to be.
Another real-world example.
Take any city and cite something specific. Is there really an intersection at Jones and Decatur? Is that an impossibility known by any resident of said city?
How about a common phrase? Would a specific character actually say something like that?
How about something scientific? Would such-and-such mix and create an explosion? Would that explosion be as powerful or weak as you say?
Details, those pesky details.
WHY IT MATTERS
If you don’t do your research, or use knowledge you already have properly, you can create a situation where the reader is jolted out of the story. You don’t want that.
Say, you’re humming right along on your story and you state some fact that is blatantly false either from you not researching, using a stereotype, or false rumors.
The reader who knows the reality may be jolted out of the story.
Is there a large forest in Las Vegas, Nevada? Not unless you go up in the mountains or visit a park, which is hardly considered a forest.
Is there a bayou in Phoenix, Arizona?
Anyone that lives there will know and you could lose your credibility unless you have a specific reason for those features.
HOW TO AVOID LITTLE INACCURACIES
A little inaccuracy could be a huge problem for you as a writer. In that case, be vague. That’s right, don’t go into excruciating details about something you don’t know. Don’t assume something is the same everywhere. If you want to use a specific from someplace, make sure you research it first. If you can’t come up with the right answer, don’t make an answer up.
SUMMARY
Thousands of authors write incredible stories with believable details that they get correct. Don’t ruin your credibility with something that could never happen in a place, or with an item that those in the know can say it’s not possible.
Happy writing!
SHOWING NOT TELLING REVISITED
This has not come up on a forum recently, but I was reminded of it during one of my paying it forward moments. This last ran in 2021 so it doesn’t hurt to bring it back. It’s slightly tweaked and updated, of course, for all you newbies to my site. It’s also a refresher for you old timers. These are my thoughts on show not tell.
INTRO
Show not tell.
Geez, I used to hate those words!
They were my nemeses, the curse of my writing existence, the Phoenix that carried me down in flames. For the longest time, I just didn’t get it. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t see or tell the difference between showing and telling. It’s taken years (decades now) to be able to notice the difference. I no longer get irritated when I hear those words because I realize how difficult it can be for a writer to recognize the concept, especially in the heat of creating. There used to be a commercial for Netflix back in the day where this woman told a character “Show, don’t tell” and I just wanted to slap her silly.
Showing and not telling seems almost like a contradiction in a story. After all, you as an author, are telling a story, right? Wrong! You are showing a story. As weird as it sounds, your job is to show a story, as much as possible. As hard as it may be to get your mind around this concept, well, at least it was for me, a story is a lot more interesting if it’s shown through words rather than told through words.
BRASS TACKS
The best way I can demonstrate that is by an example.
Mary went into the house and told Jane that there was something going on at the office and it creeped her out, but she didn’t know what to do about it. Jane at first, didn’t believe her, but after a bit of convincing, had to admit there may be something to what Mary was saying. They decided they should go back down there and check it out together.
What you have is a bit of narrative where the author is telling the reader about something that transpired. While there’s nothing outright wrong with that, besides being a bit passive, there’s a big problem that many authors cannot see right off. The entire paragraph is a bit tell. This is where I used to get into trouble all the time. I couldn’t see it for what it was. I was describing something that happened, but what I couldn’t see was that I was being lazy and not turning it into something more active. That’s what you, as an author, need to watch out for.
That paragraph needs to be shown. How do we do that? Instead of telling the reader what happened, turn it into dialogue and action. Make it happen in real time instead of something that happened in the past.
Mary barged through the door and faced Jane at the kitchen table. “There’s something going on at the office and it’s creeping me out. Scott keeps going in the back room and locking the door. He’s up to something.”
Jane shrugged. “He’s always up to something.”
“No, this is different.” Mary grabbed her shoulder. “Have you noticed how he looks at everyone lately? The way he smells? He has this gleam in his eye.”
“I…” Jane squirmed. “Now that you mention it, he does seem a little off.”
“Have you ever tried to go into that back room?”
“Well, no. Not lately.”
“I did yesterday.” Mary slapped the table. “Guess what he did? He practically bit my head off. Sheila from accounting heard him, too.”
Jane stood and grabbed her purse. “Maybe we’d better take a look for ourselves.” She glanced at the clock. “He’ll be gone for the next few hours.”
“I’ll drive.” Mary jiggled her keys.
Notice the difference? It is much longer, but it went from a boring and mundane paragraph telling the reader about something to a dynamic scene that showed the reader something.
Now for the tricky part. There’s nothing wrong with telling in a story. However, there’s a time and place for it. Telling should be kept to a minimum. When it’s possible to show it, show it instead. You’ll have a much better story that way.
A few more examples.
Ron was bored.
Oh…kay…so what? You’re telling the reader Ron was bored.
How about:
Ron yawned, tapped his foot, then rolled his eyes. He stood and paced, sat again, then tugged on his hair. “I can’t stand this!”
Now it shows Ron is bored.
The storm raged on.
This is a case where, depending on time and expediency, you could go from show to tell, depending on how necessary the more elaborate show is, versus, whether it’s needed or not.
The winds continued to blow, lightning flashed, rain fell in huge waves that flooded the streets.
How important is it to describe the storm, or is it just an aside to let the reader know something that was already described before?
This is a case where showing is okay since the telling has already been done…maybe ad nauseum.
SUMMARY
Show versus tell is always better for a more active story, but there is some discretion. There is a time and place for tell. If you’re a literary writer, in love with words, you can probably get away with more tell. However, if you’re an action-oriented writer, a commercial writer, then you need to get to the point right away.
Showing and not telling is essential to keep the writer engaged.
Happy writing!
The Worlds Of Fred Rayworth 